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Faking it

 

I was seeing this guy and one day, with my friend’s reflection, I noticed that I was faking it.

She said I wasn’t willing to open to him and I responded that I literally didn’t know how to do that – I didn’t think he had many interesting topics to talk about.
As I said that, I knew that couldn’t actually be the case, I truly believe every human being has a beautiful and interesting core, but I didn’t know how to go deeper with him.

When I wanted to connect to him, I talked about topics that were boring to me (his breakfast at work with colleagues for example) – why did I ask about them then?

It was shocking to notice that I was faking it. I talked about things I wasn’t interested in and pretended like I was… How little faith in people I have. I don’t tell them my truth, cause I don’t think they can handle it. That means I am blocking connection. 
Not they, who aren’t ready for it, but me, who doesn’t try them…

It was also relieving to notice I was faking it, because it means I can fix it!
I went and told him straight away that I’d been faking it and we went down and got real and connected – it felt clear and true – like the taste of blood in your mouth.

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