All posts tagged: OM

Surrendering to phases

I don’t even know what I’m gonna say here yet. I’m one day behind – I forgot my post yesterday – and now I look at all the subjects I’d been wanting to write about and they seem so silly. I had actually made a note, for example, of wanting to write about the time when I contemplated what it means to be addicted to sex and whether I was or not. After 2-3 days, I believe, I came to this place inside of me that really didn’t need sex at all and I felt lightly amused that I had been so significant about the whole contemplation in the first place. As a result of the resulting lightness around sex – the landing in ‘not needing it’ – I had way more and my experience around it was even more fluid and fun. That’s a great topic, except, …then I did what I tend to do, which is getting comfy with one partner. So I had a lot of great sex with one person and then …

Full Circle

Recently, magic happened. So I had this incredibly intense relationship. Which was very addictive. I have never been as deeply down in the black hole of depression, as while he was in my system but unable to approve of me or show me his love. Then there was this other woman. She became the girlfriend, while still no one was supposed to really know about me. We experienced a lot of drama and in between we connected. We both were very jealous, a lot of the time she didn’t talk to me and I was mad cause I was attempting to connect and she refused. Recently he broke up with her. And she is going through the same hell I went through. And then one day, as I was holding her in her pain she said ‘thank you’ and I realised there was nothing to thank me for, cause all I could do was help. It wasn’t a choice, it was the only way and the only truth. The woman who had symbolised (mind you, not …

Desire and Self-Love

I’d like to give you a really clear blog post right now. But I’m not just there yet. I’m in the middle of a journey, a journey to more self-love. There’s a man I love and when he told me he doesn’t want to spend time with me because he rather spends it on his purpose I hurt. I hurt cause I didn’t feel valued for who I am and what I bring. To me spending time with loved ones is time spent on one’s purpose, because relating always grows me, unless I do it too much and don’t get enough practical things done for my purpose. After a long while of crunchy anger, resentment and a feeling of being stuck I finally surrendered to not having the relationship be what I wanted it to be and I hit the bottom of the down. That’s where the down became beautiful again. That’s where I found God. That’s where I felt me and my desire for a certain kind of relationship. In the surrender to the …

OM and Parents = Orgasm

It’s now end of July. Almost two months ago I received an email from my Mum saying, amongst other things, that she loves me, and she’ll miss me but we won’t be hearing from each other much in the future, because she’s so confronted by my life style and everything I do around OM. Then I cried. Two hours later I surrendered. I felt that this was a phase change and the difficult phase wasn’t going to last forever. I suddenly trusted the Orgasm, and while it overtly didn’t get any better between us it still felt like progress. It’s almost as if when you’re plugged into the orgasm it’s impossible to go backwards. I was so grateful then for having found something that could be so big in my life that it would be able to absorb that experience of almost losing a parent but not really. That I had found something to have so much faith in, that I would surrender. Today I’m going towards my home town. And I’m thinking about my …