All posts tagged: break up

The sex challenge

  Gosh, I have no idea how to tell you this. How on earth to tell this anyone. You know, I mentioned in my last post I’d been opening my sex. In effect what that means is, I decided to have sex – each day for 7 days (without a primary partner). I had quite fun and curious and weird and slightly disgusting and veeeery intense experiences and it opened me. I suddenly felt full and in love with everybody. I was high and very conscious for a few days. Next, I didn’t really want to meet just anyone anymore. People suddenly were gross, I got small again. I couldn’t find anybody attractive on tinder. I felt like ‘eeew – I don’t want to even talk to these people’. I knew I had to open again. Somehow we never naturally just stay open. I don’t even know what happened that changed me, that had my subconscious go ‘uh oh – this is dangerous – we need more protection’ but I know I closed when I suddenly …

Coming back up

Sometimes life is just too good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sheer goodness of it. I did go down recently. I went all the way down and life was grey, so grey and I was unhappy. and now I am coming back up and things I wanted are happening. Everything is coming together and the sky is grey also, but I couldn’t be happier. I think it’s connected. My willingness to go down does enable me to go all the way up. And so I am hitting this moment again, you know, the one when you look at the cloud formations in the sky and you realise just what a gift life is?   21 August 2014 Sign up for my Orgasmic Newsletter

Full Circle

Recently, magic happened. So I had this incredibly intense relationship. Which was very addictive. I have never been as deeply down in the black hole of depression, as while he was in my system but unable to approve of me or show me his love. Then there was this other woman. She became the girlfriend, while still no one was supposed to really know about me. We experienced a lot of drama and in between we connected. We both were very jealous, a lot of the time she didn’t talk to me and I was mad cause I was attempting to connect and she refused. Recently he broke up with her. And she is going through the same hell I went through. And then one day, as I was holding her in her pain she said ‘thank you’ and I realised there was nothing to thank me for, cause all I could do was help. It wasn’t a choice, it was the only way and the only truth. The woman who had symbolised (mind you, not …

An alchemist’s heartbreak

I reread ‘an alchemists heartbreak’ by Nicole Daedone. It’s the thing to read when you hurt so much that you can’t remember what the point is. Any point. http://nicoledaedone.com/an-alchemists-heartbreak/ I commented: “I have nothing to say, in this space there is nothing to say, but to express my gratitude. I don’t know which of the words are the ones that are actually soothing, but somehow I don’t feel alone anymore. I didn’t want God to lift it. I wanted to hold on to the pain because that was all I could hold on to. Maybe some day the love that is in that pain, the length and ferocity of it will be enough. Maybe some day he’ll see and he’ll know we are meant to be together. I understand I have to let go, now, I do. I’ll do that in an hour or two.” 20 March 2014   Sign up for my Orgasmic Newsletter

The morning after…

The day before yesterday I got broken up with. In the morning. I died. Yesterday morning I suddenly had this insight that I’m meant to write. Out of nowhere. Or not, because that’s what break ups do, they put you more in touch with God. Or your true higher self. Or your Buddha nature. The universe. Whatever you want to call it. You get to get back to you. And if you only get still enough to listen, in the midst of all this sadness just listen, then you’ll get little hints of inspiration. Little voices that you probably couldn’t hear before. Yesterday I crouched under the shower and cried. And then I just lay in bed and stared. Eventually I made an outreach call. Then I had a job I needed to do, I didn’t want to let people down. So I did it, partially crying. Then I had a chat. About how special my current location is. How we feel this intensely only every five years. And that the right next thing would …