All posts tagged: addiction

Surrendering to phases

I don’t even know what I’m gonna say here yet. I’m one day behind – I forgot my post yesterday – and now I look at all the subjects I’d been wanting to write about and they seem so silly. I had actually made a note, for example, of wanting to write about the time when I contemplated what it means to be addicted to sex and whether I was or not. After 2-3 days, I believe, I came to this place inside of me that really didn’t need sex at all and I felt lightly amused that I had been so significant about the whole contemplation in the first place. As a result of the resulting lightness around sex – the landing in ‘not needing it’ – I had way more and my experience around it was even more fluid and fun. That’s a great topic, except, …then I did what I tend to do, which is getting comfy with one partner. So I had a lot of great sex with one person and then …

Relapse

Okay – I don’t want to be writing this right now. I don’t want to share it and I don’t want you to know. … But then I want you to know you’re not alone if you’ve ever experienced something similar. And I want to bring some sanity into the world of Sex and Love Addiction. I use this term for lack of a better one – I have parts of me, that function like addicts do. I don’t want to use the word addiction as an excuse, as a problem to hide behind, and I don’t think it means I am somehow broken. But I do think some awareness of our behaviours and patterns in certain situations is useful. So while most of the time I feel plugged in with my purpose and deeply grateful for the sense of mission in my life and my connection to God (something bigger, the universe, a sense of knowing and rightness), I recently relapsed. And I am giving you an insight into my experience right IN the …

Vision-less

Okay. So IF you are unclear of the vision it might be because you are stepping into a whole new and unknown place.  Usually, in life, you get to live at the top and the bottom of everything you already know*. And you get to rearrange everything that you know so that it looks like it’s new. But really you stay within a certain range of happiness and pain that you can feel and the amount of life you get to live is limited.  So IF you lean into the unknown, the genuinely unknown, it’ll feel scary. And you won’t have a vision. Because you really don’t know. Shifting from a finite reality into an infinite one will not look any of the ways you know things to look like. It’ll genuinely be new. And your mind will not know what to think. I wrote this morning to a dear friend that I feel like I am in this beautiful bardo, where I’d usually put an addiction into the emptiness that I sense and at …