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Jealousy + Vulnerability

They were about to go out with his parents. I never got to meet his parents. I wasn’t girlfriend material.

This little voice in my head told me I could share my jealousy by putting it on the house thread (about 30 people that I live with, including him and her). I didn’t like the idea. There were other things I could share about myself that would make me more connected to everybody, this particular bit wasn’t even the most important thing in my life. It was there, but it wasn’t all consuming.

I wrote it. After a little while I also sent it.

I surrendered to the voice. I’d been wanting to try doing that, to follow God all the time. Even if God made no sense whatsoever.

Then I didn’t want to see him or her ever again. Ever. Exposure. Embarrassment.

I got responses from house mates, I got hearts and things. He sent ‘hi Elisa’ and a blushing smiley.

Five minutes later I realised I wasn’t jealous of their day, I was just jealous of the concept. I was going to spend a day with my friend in the sun in the park, my day was DEFINITELY going to be better than theirs.

I gave myself and I got freedom.

 

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