Freedom

I don’t care right now.
It’s sooooooo weeeeeiiiiiiiirrrrrrrd!
I know everything passes. In a way I was waiting for it to pass. And I also know it’ll be back. I’ll slip. I’ll hear something, I’ll feel vulnerable and I’ll miss him.
I’ll curse the universe that she has what I’ve always wanted.
But right now, for some reason, I’m okay.
They are in the room next to me and I don’t care.
I love him, I really do.
But does that mean I need to cling, to worry, to fear?
I know she is afraid of loss, jealous and codependent. She wonders if she’ll ever get what she needs. Whether he’ll ever show her his love.
I DID EXACTLY THE SAME!

And yet –
right now –
I am free.

Right now those things seem ridiculous.
Right now I understand him.
Right now I understand that relationship is not so important.
Not as important as the Orgasm.
Not as important as Life.
Not as important as something bigger.
So yea, we want to connect. We want to understand each other.
But why freak out when we momentarily don’t?
How is it that the moment I let go more, I finally understand him more?
If romance and in-love has us circle around only one part in life, rather than living all of it, then I don’t want it.

27 March 2014

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