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Welcome to my Blog!

It’s about the things I care most about: Waking Up and Connection

This blog is not for everyone. It’s not comfortable, and it’s not easy. I am not writing it to be easily digestible, I am writing to go deeper in the processes I’m going through while writing about them. AND I am writing it so that YOU may find yourself in it. If you are one of the people who understand. Or one of the people who feel something while reading – even if your head doesn’t agree yet. Welcome to you!

I love life, I experience it intensely; and I seek to be awake rather than asleep in it. I choose circumstances that aren’t usually comfortable but instead do enable growth. My deepest desire is to serve people who are finding their power and want to tune in with it more, who want to be awake and vibrant, who want to be in their purpose as well as own their sexuality and use its’ power for creation.

If you identify as one of those, please do get in touch and I will change your life!

Email to elisa@orgasmic-meditation.de and mention “Wake Up”!

And if you want to receive my Orgasmic Newsletter (just as personal as my Blog), please subscribe underneath

With Love,
Elisa

…These Past Years…

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I have changed a lot these past two years with my OM practice and the general work on myself that I’ve been doing. I guess you call it ‘self-development’ – I prefer calling it ‘getting free’ or ‘waking up’. I noticed how I’ve changed in a very subtle way over New Year. We spent New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day at a friend’s house in the countryside. Around noon on January the first I was so happy to be there, so at peace, I’d slept long, it was warm and homely and full of children – I was feeding on lush oranges and avocado and felt healthy and like I had time to write and reflect and be curled up inside a house far away from the city with 30cm of snow around…. I was happy. In the early evening, I got restless. I felt the restlessness and attempted to explain it: restlessness was there, because I wasn’t ‘performing well’, I was only hanging out, I wasn’t ‘getting shit done’. I couldn’t really remember …

The sex challenge

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  Gosh, I have no idea how to tell you this. How on earth to tell this anyone. You know, I mentioned in my last post I’d been opening my sex. In effect what that means is, I decided to have sex – each day for 7 days (without a primary partner). I had quite fun and curious and weird and slightly disgusting and veeeery intense experiences and it opened me. I suddenly felt full and in love with everybody. I was high and very conscious for a few days. Next, I didn’t really want to meet just anyone anymore. People suddenly were gross, I got small again. I couldn’t find anybody attractive on tinder. I felt like ‘eeew – I don’t want to even talk to these people’. I knew I had to open again. Somehow we never naturally just stay open. I don’t even know what happened that changed me, that had my subconscious go ‘uh oh – this is dangerous – we need more protection’ but I know I closed when I suddenly …

Heart Chakra vs. Sex Chakra

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  I’ve been opening my sex. And it had the most extraordinary result. I’m in love. I opened the base and the sacral chakra, and in the process my heart chakra expanded. I just visited a friend who has done the heart work – the connecting through the eyes kind of stuff – for a very long time. He is good at it, in his field kind of a guru. He used to challenge the sex focus of my work. He said the heart needed to be involved in the sex, else we were unhealthily focused. And that may be true. What I see often in ‘spiritual’ people is that they are focussing too much on the heart and the compassion side of things and their base and sacral chakras are completely underdeveloped. They are not nurturing or harnessing one of the most powerful energies there is. As a result they often seem unstable – they are idealists with no power. These past days, I realised I will be able to respond to their challenges …

Faking it

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  I was seeing this guy and one day, with my friend’s reflection, I noticed that I was faking it. She said I wasn’t willing to open to him and I responded that I literally didn’t know how to do that – I didn’t think he had many interesting topics to talk about. As I said that, I knew that couldn’t actually be the case, I truly believe every human being has a beautiful and interesting core, but I didn’t know how to go deeper with him. When I wanted to connect to him, I talked about topics that were boring to me (his breakfast at work with colleagues for example) – why did I ask about them then? It was shocking to notice that I was faking it. I talked about things I wasn’t interested in and pretended like I was… How little faith in people I have. I don’t tell them my truth, cause I don’t think they can handle it. That means I am blocking connection.  Not they, who aren’t ready for …

Surrendering to phases

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I don’t even know what I’m gonna say here yet. I’m one day behind – I forgot my post yesterday – and now I look at all the subjects I’d been wanting to write about and they seem so silly. I had actually made a note, for example, of wanting to write about the time when I contemplated what it means to be addicted to sex and whether I was or not. After 2-3 days, I believe, I came to this place inside of me that really didn’t need sex at all and I felt lightly amused that I had been so significant about the whole contemplation in the first place. As a result of the resulting lightness around sex – the landing in ‘not needing it’ – I had way more and my experience around it was even more fluid and fun. That’s a great topic, except, …then I did what I tend to do, which is getting comfy with one partner. So I had a lot of great sex with one person and then …

Opening

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So for some funny reason I’ve become the person who tells others to open – even when it hurts or even when it might hurt – all the things you want are on the other side of opening. All of them! Well, I can talk, I had the best training. You know, (if you’ve read my blog you know), that I went through hell, with a man who couldn’t show his love for me at all (except for maybe in sex). At the time I was lucky enough to be around a whole group of people who knew that we open just in order to be open – we open for ourselves rather than for anybody else or anything. So they reminded me to open even though all I expected in the face of opening was more hurt. But it wasn’t like that. I opened. I acknowledged my hurt, I showed how deeply I was affected and even though it didn’t shift things with him much, it shifted things for me. I was true. And …

Conflating sex

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I had a great conversation recently with two great friends of mine. We were talking about our favourite subject – sex – what else?? He currently doesn’t have much sex, he is in a relationship and has three little kids who take a lot of attention and energy from him and his partner. He said he doesn’t mind much though, he would like more sex, yes, but it’s really no problem for him that he doesn’t have it. We believed him. And then S. wondered what had changed for him – he used to mind much more when he was younger. He answered that there had been a crucial moment in his life when he’d separated sex from getting acknowledgement or approval. And when he did that, sex wasn’t as important anymore, his self-worth wasn’t affected, it was ‘just’ sex. I realised that I had done the same when I came to Munich – I was new and had one single connection and somehow being able to connect to people and create the sex-life that …

Relapse

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Okay – I don’t want to be writing this right now. I don’t want to share it and I don’t want you to know. … But then I want you to know you’re not alone if you’ve ever experienced something similar. And I want to bring some sanity into the world of Sex and Love Addiction. I use this term for lack of a better one – I have parts of me, that function like addicts do. I don’t want to use the word addiction as an excuse, as a problem to hide behind, and I don’t think it means I am somehow broken. But I do think some awareness of our behaviours and patterns in certain situations is useful. So while most of the time I feel plugged in with my purpose and deeply grateful for the sense of mission in my life and my connection to God (something bigger, the universe, a sense of knowing and rightness), I recently relapsed. And I am giving you an insight into my experience right IN the …

Coming back up

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Sometimes life is just too good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sheer goodness of it. I did go down recently. I went all the way down and life was grey, so grey and I was unhappy. and now I am coming back up and things I wanted are happening. Everything is coming together and the sky is grey also, but I couldn’t be happier. I think it’s connected. My willingness to go down does enable me to go all the way up. And so I am hitting this moment again, you know, the one when you look at the cloud formations in the sky and you realise just what a gift life is?   21 August 2014 Sign up for my Orgasmic Newsletter [yks-mailchimp-list id=”4cbae35a41″ submit_text=”Submit”]

Vision-less

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Okay. So IF you are unclear of the vision it might be because you are stepping into a whole new and unknown place.  Usually, in life, you get to live at the top and the bottom of everything you already know*. And you get to rearrange everything that you know so that it looks like it’s new. But really you stay within a certain range of happiness and pain that you can feel and the amount of life you get to live is limited.  So IF you lean into the unknown, the genuinely unknown, it’ll feel scary. And you won’t have a vision. Because you really don’t know. Shifting from a finite reality into an infinite one will not look any of the ways you know things to look like. It’ll genuinely be new. And your mind will not know what to think. I wrote this morning to a dear friend that I feel like I am in this beautiful bardo, where I’d usually put an addiction into the emptiness that I sense and at …