Month: October 2014

Conflating sex

I had a great conversation recently with two great friends of mine. We were talking about our favourite subject – sex – what else?? He currently doesn’t have much sex, he is in a relationship and has three little kids who take a lot of attention and energy from him and his partner. He said he doesn’t mind much though, he would like more sex, yes, but it’s really no problem for him that he doesn’t have it. We believed him. And then S. wondered what had changed for him – he used to mind much more when he was younger. He answered that there had been a crucial moment in his life when he’d separated sex from getting acknowledgement or approval. And when he did that, sex wasn’t as important anymore, his self-worth wasn’t affected, it was ‘just’ sex. I realised that I had done the same when I came to Munich – I was new and had one single connection and somehow being able to connect to people and create the sex-life that …

Relapse

Okay – I don’t want to be writing this right now. I don’t want to share it and I don’t want you to know. … But then I want you to know you’re not alone if you’ve ever experienced something similar. And I want to bring some sanity into the world of Sex and Love Addiction. I use this term for lack of a better one – I have parts of me, that function like addicts do. I don’t want to use the word addiction as an excuse, as a problem to hide behind, and I don’t think it means I am somehow broken. But I do think some awareness of our behaviours and patterns in certain situations is useful. So while most of the time I feel plugged in with my purpose and deeply grateful for the sense of mission in my life and my connection to God (something bigger, the universe, a sense of knowing and rightness), I recently relapsed. And I am giving you an insight into my experience right IN the …

Coming back up

Sometimes life is just too good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the sheer goodness of it. I did go down recently. I went all the way down and life was grey, so grey and I was unhappy. and now I am coming back up and things I wanted are happening. Everything is coming together and the sky is grey also, but I couldn’t be happier. I think it’s connected. My willingness to go down does enable me to go all the way up. And so I am hitting this moment again, you know, the one when you look at the cloud formations in the sky and you realise just what a gift life is?   21 August 2014 Sign up for my Orgasmic Newsletter

Vision-less

Okay. So IF you are unclear of the vision it might be because you are stepping into a whole new and unknown place.  Usually, in life, you get to live at the top and the bottom of everything you already know*. And you get to rearrange everything that you know so that it looks like it’s new. But really you stay within a certain range of happiness and pain that you can feel and the amount of life you get to live is limited.  So IF you lean into the unknown, the genuinely unknown, it’ll feel scary. And you won’t have a vision. Because you really don’t know. Shifting from a finite reality into an infinite one will not look any of the ways you know things to look like. It’ll genuinely be new. And your mind will not know what to think. I wrote this morning to a dear friend that I feel like I am in this beautiful bardo, where I’d usually put an addiction into the emptiness that I sense and at …